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Wednesday, December 19, 2007

The goodbye letter

A father passing by his son's bedroom, was astonished to see the bed was nicely made, and everything was picked up. Then, he saw an envelope propped up prominently on the pillow. It was addressed, "Dad." With the worst premonition, he opened the envelope and read the letter, with trembling hands:

Dear Dad,

It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you. I had to elope with my new girlfriend, Stacy, because I wanted to avoid a scene with Mom and you.

I've been finding real passion with Stacy, and she is so nice, but I knew you would not approve of her because of all her piercings, tattoos, her skin-tight motorcycle clothes, and because she is so much older than I am. But it's not only the passion... Dad she's pregnant.
Stacy said that we will be very happy. She owns a tiny trailer in the woods, and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. We share a dream of having many more children.
Stacy has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone. We'll be growing it for ourselves, and trading it with the other people in the commune, for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want.

In the meantime, we'll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS, so Stacy can get better. She sure deserves it!!

Don't worry Dad, I'm 15, and I know how to take care of myself.

You taught me well. Someday, I'm sure we'll be back to visit, so you can get to know your grandchildren.

Love,

Your son John

P.S. Dad, None of the above is true. I'm over at Tommy's house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than the report card that's in my center desk drawer. I love you! Call when it is safe for me to come home.

A hilarious e-mail from one of my friends that I wanted to share with everyone.

1 comment:

vacuum cleaners said...

That's too funny. If only I had that idea when I was a kid... I'm sure I would've used it on my parents plenty of times. I used to hate report day. Eventually, though, my parents gave up and started saying, “look, as long as you pass we'll be fine.” I did pass – and fairly well. I just could never do certain subjects, like maths etc. I really could never see the point of maths when we've got calculators and computers!

 

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